snake the spaz
by kylesmomsaB
Summary: im the real auther of this story yadyyadyyada sorry about before there was no chapter 2 i had to delete it and put it back in again oy ve. GUYS REVIEW SO I CAN FIX MY NEXT LIKE 3 CHAPTERS AND MAKE THEM FUNNIER AND LESS REPETATIVE
1. Chapter 1

Metal Gear: Snake the Spaz

(Metal Gear Theme)

Harry Gregson Williams: DOOOO DOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOO DOD OD ODOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOOO DOD OD ODOOO DIT DIT IDT DIIIIT DOOOO DIT DIT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DITDIT DTI DOOOODOOOO DODODOOOOOODOODODODOOOOOOOO (trumpet Trill) DO DOOOOO DOOOOO DOOOOO DOO DODODODODIT BUMP

Otacon:Snake I need you to find out if the Mexican terrorists have a nuclear strike capability , and if they do then destroy them and the Metal Gear they are going to use to launch the missile if they don't do it anyway, and if they don't I will have to kill George Bush… well maybe I will do that anyway. Also, if they don't why don't you just go and activate it FOR THEM LIKE LAST TIME….Snake?

Snake: (having seizure) Metal Gear Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.Seizure over.

Otacon:Do you have to do that everytime I say _Meta Gear_.

Snake: (Having another seizure)Metal Gear! AHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAHHH ATwitch (20 minutes later) AHHHHHH.

Otacon: you done?

Snake: Wait AH AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAh ok.

Otacon: Take these pills whenever you think your going to have a spasm attack.

Snake: M'kay (Snakes takes the pentazimin and and eats all of it)

Otacon: Well unless you have some sort of key that needs different tempatures or somtin you'll be fine for today. But take this keycard just incase.

Snake:(drops it in a drainpipe.) oops.

Otacon:It's okay I made some spares.Here take another.

_Me:Well you know what happens next._

3 minutes later.

Otacon:How do you drop **_200_** keys in a drainpipe?Where'd that come from anyway?

Snake:I bought it.

Otacon:k.

_Ten minutes later in Mexico._

Guard: (ALL GUARDS TALK MEXICANIC ACCENT) Did you see the metal gear?

Guard2:No, is it cool?

Guard:You have to see it to believe it mane.

Guard2:C.

Guard:Hey, why's that guy hiding in a bush?

Guard2:I don't know ,let's walk up ,let a question mark go over our heads, and then get killed.

(They walk over to the bush snake is hiding in, have ? marks go over their heads,and then just as snake is about to jump out and kill them ,a Harrier flies into the guards and explodes ,but doesn't kill Snake because he has a long assed health bar. CJ walks out of the plane.)

Snake: what are you doing?

CJ: Working on my pilots license without going to flight school.

Snake:Cool,Cool.

CJ: well I got to go.

Snake: Fuck no don't leave me all alone please.

CJ: Damn! Fine I will help you! Just stop hugging me.

Snake: Oh…(clears throat)…yes sorry.

CJ: You'd betta be mofucka.

Snake: Lets go.

CJ: right niga

(2 minutes later)

Snake: AHHHHH DAMNIT! FUCKIN HEART BURN GOD IT HURTS FUCK AHHHHH OW DAMN JEEZ.

CJ: Damn you are such a spazoid.

Snake: Damn your right. Even with the pills. Let me see this bottle for those meds.(snake shuffles in his pocket). Ah here it is……side effects definitely include heartburn diarrhea constipation barfing pissing and reading side affects.

CJ: WOW. I am leaving.

Snake: wait look! It's a guard and he sees us.

(exclamation point)

Guard: BEEP BEEP BEEP.(chase theme music starts and guard runs for cover)

Guard: Hey essays, enemy whitey and a nigga sited, requesting backup unit.

Snake jumps on the guard before the response.

Snake: Whew!

CJ: Damnit you know that never works ass head. They just wonder where he is.

Snake: your right.

(Snake and CJ continue on and learn of a metal gear….snake had a short seizure soon after, they diffuse 100000 bombs which took 10 hours so I didn't write about it. They are walking along a path when they see someone)

Snake: Who the fuck is there.

CJ: YEA1 Mofucka come out….hey are you a girl.

Raidon: Fuck you!

Snake: I am sick of you! You have come to take my spot as main character again aren't you? Yea well fuck you!

Raidon: Damn he found out.

CJ: This bores me. Girl man move it. Im going home.

(CJ shoots raidon in the head and he dies CJ then leaves…the words Mofucka can be heard echoing throughout the walls as snake is left all alone. His only purpose left in life is to destroy the metal hear, but first…..)

Snake: YEA FUCK YOU YEA SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.

(Snake shoots 16 rounds of his m16 into raidons body then uses his knife to chop off his dick and burned it, which actually took him 15 minutes to find)

Snake: Much better.

(Snake walked on alone with the impending knowlage that he would kill metal gear alone. With his footsteps echoing he walked on, and just realizing he was thinking of metal gear he had a 17 minute seizure, but recovered)

(this concludes chapter one. Will snake survive, will CJ come back, Is Raidon really dead, will snake get laid, will he destroy the metal gear, will I stop asking questions?

Come in next time to find out!)


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2….essey

AU: Well I am the real auther of Snake the spaz. I hadn't had an account yet when I wrote it Ch. 1 is included in here above. (der). I really need you guys to review because I am new at this and need tips. There are also some Spanish words in here so use a translator if you need to.

Continue  Exit

(beep) (gunshot)

(snake walked on a very very long time, so so long that I had to got to sleep)

Snake: Well this is where there holding the Metal Gear project…. OH no I was walking so long….ah..otacon's pills have worn off…AHHHHHH (seizure foam at mouth) AHHH NOOOO METAL GEAR (collapse) (twitches).

(snake hears a guard and sees a question mark from around the corner)

Guard: Is, somebody there essay?

Snake: Yeah I am right here.

Guard: Don't move pendejo! Perra sited, requesting backup…essays.

HQ: No problem amigo, we send it right over.

Snake: Shit.

Guard: O yea. I have to shoot you……AHHH

(by the time the guard realized his job snake had already shot him)

Snake: A locker!

(he gets in)

Snake: WOW! A HOT ASIAN CHICK! (kisses and humps the locker)

Backup essays: DUDE! HE is having sex with his locker.

Snake: AHHHHHHHH! (charges out of the locker with no weapons and knocks out 2 guards)

Remaining backup essays: YOU GO TO HELL AND DIE AT THE MERCY OFF DIABLO!

(a gun appears out of no where in snakes hand)

Essays: SHIT…AAHHHHHHGGGGHHHHHH!

(beep…snakes map reappears)

(snake continues on and finally gets to the metal gear hold)

Snake: There it is, it's engranaje del metal del Diablo that can shoot out nukes and shit like that! AHHHHGGGGHHHAHHHHAHHIGWOIGHWOIGHOWIGHWJGHWOIGHWOIGHWOIGHWOGHWQOEIGHWQEIGHQIEGHQOIGHQIGH"IQWHOIF EG(PIHTHTPTHPOUHPT#HOIHTOUHGIHODHVHGOIGHO"EWGH"EIGHEGH:OEWQUHQOIFHQIEGHOIFJIQFHPOIGHOGBNONOIGHQPETYH"QIQ"OIEHGT)QGH"EGHQIEGQ"PGOIGHIGH"PIEPIGHFPWIEHQPIEGQEHQIGHQEIGHQGHQPEIGQPEGIHQIEGHQIGHPIQUGHQPIUFQ:OEHGQPOEGHOEGH"OQEIGTQO"EGH:OEGHUH:OUGHIUGD:HG:OIQHQIOH"PIWGQOIGH"HRIQ"PTOUGHWEPIGJQWEIGHWPE(UGHQPUOFGPEGUPOUHFOUFHGWQEPOGUHQWIFHUGPHS:OGHWQE:OIH:SADGHWEPOGSDUHRIUHG:IHG:ORGH:OIGH:WGIHWR:OI:WOGHW:ROGWRUIOHW:OIGW:ORIWRHWRHWJJWEHWGHWHWHWWHWHWHWHWWH...gasp...gasp...RIGJEIGERGJAEGHAIUFHGAEVHHHGHAFGUGwfgiuHGIWUGHwughwvoghawughughaoerhiIHGESOIHAEOIHEOIHAEIHAEIHRAEIHAEIHGJFHVNFHFDJGTHDFGVRUFGHRUHGVUFEY9HETIVSUG37UTYHWIEOUIGH4IHJWUGFHHJRJYRUGVHNEJKRGHOFERUHRJKHEIUTTFRTSHFEWURGHRTTGO;JGEOIRGEORIHGEWIOGHWOUGHIWHGREOIRHGEWOIGHWOIGHSOGHDIHGEIODGHEO;IRHGEOGHEOIHJEIOGWOEIHOWIHTGWOIHFOALHGWLGHWOIKGJWOIGHWERIJGEWGIHWIOHGIFJWIRHGJWEOIYHWOIGFJWPIJWEKFJSALDKFJSLKDJGWLKFJGWEOIYWIGBHUDHKXDGLDRHOIEWHGOWIHOWE3IHGWEIGHWOIGHSOGHWOIRGHOIGWIOYHJEORIHJSDLKFGSLHGOSHG!

(snake goes up thousands of steps to get to the top)

Polymer(look it up) Snake: Time to die hermano.

Snake: DUDE I AM NOT BROTHER AND IF I WAS THEN WHY ARE YOU MEXICAN!

Polymer: Because…….erm…..SHUTUP NOW DIE…….

(what will polymer do, who the fuck is he, once again will I stop answering my own questions? Tune in to the final chapter next time)

(tune in next time to figure out what happens. Write me suggestions and stuff I am trying here! Don't hold back in the reviews if it is bad.)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(we left snake spazing out at polymer, his mysterious Mexican brother)

Snake: MY GOD THE METAL GEAR IS MOVING! AHAHHAHAHHHHAHHAHHAHGRGRGRGRHHHAHHHGRGRHASGGRH. (twitch twitch)

Polymer: That is right it is actually operational!

Snake: Well that was obvious you prick!

Polymer: I m gunna kill you!

Snake: (spazing and having seizure) AHH IT IS MOVING AHHH! Wait wuts that sound? It is the sound of cardboard! That isn't metal gear I am regaining control of my body! HA I WILL KILL THAT CARDBOARD!

(snake shoots the card board with a stinger and it blows up in a cloud of smoke)

(o yea by the way the stinger appeared in his hand)

Snake: SUCK MY DICK

Polymer: Ok that thounds thuper!

Snake: WHAT RAIDON?

Raidon: Yup that'sth me.

Snake: but you were dead!

Raidon: NO STHAKE! I WASN'T DEAD! THAT WAS A TEthT CLONE TO MAKE YOU THINK I WUTH!

(the smoke cleared)

Snake: NO IT CANT BE!

Raidon: that'ths right the cardboard wath justht a coverup metal gear for thisth!

Snake: FUCK! ITS SUPER METAL GEAR WHOS NAME IS REALLY LONG AND SHIT! AHHHHHHSGRRRRRRHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Snake: but why Raidon! WHY!

RAIDON: Because! I was the new Main character! YOU stole it! I was the ultimate MG main character! I THOUGHT MAYBE HIDEO-SAN WOULD RECONSIDER IF I KILLED YOU OFF! I TRIED TO KILL YOU BUT NOOOOOO! WELL FUCK YOU SUCK MY DICK AND EAT MY BALLS(really please)! I AM THE METAL GEAR MOFOMAN!

Snake: your gay! Haha

Raidon: I am not!

Snake: (tauntingly) yes u are!

Raidon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Metal gear: Password activated 3 lines of no. Self-destruct in 5

Raidon: NO BUT HOW…..HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Metal Gear: 4…..3

Snake: HA! IT WAS WRITTEN ON THE CARDBOARD!

Metal gear: 2….essey….1

Snake: Fucking SHIT……..

(Will snake escape, am I a faggot just because I keep asking these gay-ass questions?

Find out next chapter essay.)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Snake: hey look! A conveniently placed hole in the ground!

(snake climbs in, but takes one last look back at his old friend that he always found rather gay anyway)

Raidon: Ill come back! Just like before! You havn't seen the last of MEEE!

Snake: yes I have. (snake pushes the button on his only item, it is labled you have now seen the last of whoever you are looking at right now….i hope its raidon)

Raidon: NOOOOOOOOOO (he suddenly implodes and all that is left is a recording dis)

Snake: SO THAT'S HOW HE STOPPED TALKING WITH A LISP ALLOFASUDDEN!

Disc: yup

Ring ring

Snake: Otacon!

Otacon: no fucking shit snake! I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS FREQUENCY! By the way your still gunna die from the convienently slowly spreading explosion.

Snake: FUCK SHIT DAMNIT AHHHH!

(snake runs out and finds a jeep and drives out)

Snake: ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! GOODBYE WORLD! REMEMBER MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

: Chill out niga!

Snake: CJ you came back!

CJ: NO SHIT! You stole the keys to my harrier! I had to spawn up this one which I used to convieniently find you here in this exact location!

Snake: Yea about that…

CJ: No Problem Mofucka

Snake: Well we'd better go before those flames catch up!

(snake jumps in the harrier and starts flying home and gets a call from otacon)

Snake: YO

Otacon: Good job snake!

Snake: Yea I didn't spaz out! I'm cured

(winning music for VR plays)

HGW: DUNDUN DUNDUNDUN DODODODODOODDooooo

CO Campbell: Good work Raidon.

Snake: Uhhhhhhhh im snake

CO: Sorry ummmm ……. Good work snake.

Snake: You weren't even in this story.

CO: Fuck up.

(MGS theme plays)

HGW: doooooo dooooooo doooooooooooooooooo do do do dooooo dooooooooot dodo dooooooooooo do do do doooooooo dooooooot dodo d doooooooooooooooo dodo d o dodo oooooooooooooo do do doooooooo od do do do doo(trumpit trill) DO ODOOOOOO DOOOOOOO DOOOOOO DOOOOO DODODODODODOTT bump

AU: well I hoped you liked it it is my first full story REVIEW SO I CAN IMPROVE.


End file.
